I think I’m just going to write, because right now that’s what I feel like doing, it’s what I believe will help me sleep tonight. Going over past memories is not always a joyful experience, depends what kind of memory your looking at. There’s all kinds the ones that make you laugh, the ones that make you secretly smile , the ones you want to share with everyone, the ones you can recall everything about to the finest of details and then there’s the ones you wish never happened, the kind that if you had the opportunity, you would most certainly erase. Does regret really exist? I struggle to understand the concept of regret. How is it that someone can do something whether it be an action or words and then later regret it? If that’s what you said or did at the moment in time, surely it is exactly what you wanted to do. Yet later on in possibly the far or near future whether it be a minute, hour, day or year before you begin or decide to regret that moment but why do you when it’s what you wanted? My head could literally explode from thinking about this. I’m not exempt from this myself, I too regret many things which I have done but I know that deep down its what I wanted there and then at that moment in time because I did it. If I didn’t want it so much I wouldn’t have done it, so why do I regret it now? is it just human nature?I really have no clue nor will I ever have a clue. Lately I have felt alone, more alone than before, a kind of alone where you really start to believe that there is not much good to come out of anything so what’s the point. I truly have given up on myself I cannot control anything, it feels as though everything is becoming too much for to handle and I am slowly losing grip. I feel my friends slipping away and I cannot control it, is it me? I feel like I give all the time but maybe I just am conceded and don’t see it and the reason I am losing people is my own doing, who would want to be friends with someone who only cares for themselves. I really hope I’m not like that, it is what I dislike about so many people. That everyone’s number one priority is themselves.
“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.” Arthur Miller
How things can change so suddenly, at times where everything seems asif it’s going to crash and burn into the ground somehow everything turns toward the skies. honestly two weeks ago I thought there was no escape, I thought that I was going to be stuck in an awful position with no way out and with no one to help me. To feel alone is truly horrible, your thoughts consume you, you begin to question and over think everything until you feel insane. I felt alone, I felt misunderstood and I felt asif nothing was going to change that. To cry yourself to sleep every single night and forget how to be happy. I would never wish this upon my worst enemy. I don’t know if I’m lucky or if I did something to change the position I was in but somehow everything turned around, flipped 180 and for a second I didn’t want to believe it because I was too scare it could all come crashing down. It didn’t though, everything is still perfect and I feel so blessed. I have the most amazing.perfect best friend in the entire world who happens to be my boyfriend and if it wasn’t for him I still would have felt worthless and like nothing, it’s difficult to convince him that but he truly has changed everything. Everything about him makes me smile and he has become so important to me, he only came into my life a few years ago and he has already made the biggest impact. I feel at home with him, being with him is incomparable it’s honestly a fairy tale. Everything happens for a reason, which I believe. You cannot give up because things aren’t going to plan, even when you feel asif nothing will get better you need to have faith and always try to move forward and jump over every hurdle that comes even if you fall you must stand up and keep going. ” Faith is taking the first step, even when you can’t see the whole staircase” Martin Luther King.